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Customer service rep

Welcomo the complaints page! Leave your complaints below and we'll get back to ya as soon as possible. Here's how you should layout your complaint.

Date:

Complaint:

Name:

We and the rest of the team look forward to your complaints!

Note: It's extremely annoying and time consuming having to censor all the cussing you guys do, so stop cussing for [EXPLETIVE]s sake.

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Date: 10/3/15

Complaint: Why have I done this to myself?

Name: Dr. British

We're not quite sure! But hopefully you can use this to express your desire for change and need. -Department Representative British

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Date: 13/3/15

Complaint: Why the [EXPLETIVE] won't the [EXPLETIVE] cup dispenser work at site-97!

Name: Dr. Thirsty

Due to recent budget cuts at site-97 we can't repair it. Although you can now enjoy the many lava lamps that we have placed around the site! -Department Representative British

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Date: 13/3/15

Complaint: Okay, so this started last week, I keep getting calls from a guy called Steven saying I have unclaimed life insurance. I've checked and checked again and I'm pretty sure it's a scam. I keep blocking their numbers but they always seem to be able to call me. Could you do something about it?

Name: Dr. 078263526364

Maybe if you used your real name instead of your phone number when writing out forms. That would probably help. -Department Representative British

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Date: 14/3/15

Complaint: pls let me out

Name: D-1726

Can someone please check how a D-Class was able to access this. -Department Representative British

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Date: 16/3/15

Complaint: Can you do something about the memetic chain mail that I keep on getting? Every time I open an email it says 'Send this to 5 people or 999-J will come for you.'

Name: Dr. Kurtz@gmail.com

Well, it seems that since you were stupid enough to put your email address as your file name, you've gotten several angry electronic memetics to go after you. We're not quite sure how to deal with this, so I'm transferring you over to Pat. -Department Representative British

I went over this several times; Don't use emails outside of the Foundation's intra-network for foundation related material. Now then, I left you your new FOUNDATION email on a blue sticky note in your office, please don't use it as your file name. -Pat

Okay, got it, thanks! -dr-kurtz@intranetwork#foundationemployees?secure

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Date: 16/3/15

Complaint: So I was watching San Andreas on a DVD I bought from Dr. ███████ and I saw this weird sloth halfway through the movie. Pretty sure it wasn't part of the movie. Anyway I now experience prolonged periods of not having control over myself, in fact I think it's happunIigjkah hhhhhdssdfhhhhhhetragfhhhee eeeeeeeeeeraa

Name: Dr. Pur

Right well, we've sent a couple of 'Friends' over to your office. They'll take care of you from there. -Department Representative British

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Date: 17/3/15

Complaint: I have a strange feeling that the 05-X doesn't like me. He spectated a 012 test I hosted, and I don't think he was impressed. I'm kind of worried he'll demote me.

Name: Dr. Logik

Well, maybe send him a fruit basket. If that doesn't work, tomatoes always work. -Department Representative British

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Date: 18/3/15

Complaint: One day while I was watching the Walking dead I saw a weird image message pop up. It said "SCP-231" after that an image popped up of a girl, I can't really describe it what do I do?

Name: Agent. Flint

Just stay still and it'll all be better in a couple of minutes, in the meantime just close your eyes. -Department Trainee Billy

You saw an imagine of an SCP during a television programme? Welp looks like WEBCRAWLER is going to be ever more occupied. -Pat

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Date: 18/3/15

Complaint: The sky looks green, I liked it when it was blue, can you change it?

Name: Dr. Colourblind

Well, we're either experiencing an XK class end of the world event, or your vision is a little dopey. If so, go to the medical office. -Department Representative British

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Date: 20/3/15

Complaint: OH GOD HELP IT'S HORRIBLE THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! MTF IS DEAD THERE IS NO HOPE!!!

Name: Dr. Halp

I'm coming for you man! Don't lose hope! -Department Representative British

Due to Department Representative British's courageous actions at Site-█ after multiple instances of SCP-███ breached, he has been promoted to Department Manager. -O5-█

Wait what?! No no you can't! -Ex-Department Manager Jebus

Bye. -Department Manger British

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Amazing Sloth

Date: 21/3/15

Complaint: So, I logged on today to find this as my wallpaper. I'm not to sure what it is, but if you could find out what it is that would be nice.

Name: Dr. Kappa

Well, thanks to you you've now infected Department Trainee Billy with memetic aids. I've gotten the memetics team to discolour it so it won't harm anyone else, but next time, do think before posting potential memetic aids. I'm also handing you over to Pat to get it sorted. -Department Manager British

Yousentmeacolouredversionhesstaringatmehelp -Pat

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Date: 24/3/15

Complaint: So I was playing this online game called Roblox during my lunch break and I found this game called Site-7 by [SCPF] Special Containment Procedures Foundation. Wtf? How do they know about us?

Name: Agent. Blue

Right, first thing, why were you connected to a unauthorized network outside of foundation control? Also, we've got the tech geeks on it (Yes Pat, this includes you) so no worries. We've tracked down the IP of each member and are currently questioning a few of them now. As for the fact that you were connected to an outside network, I'll see if Pat will go easy on you for doing that. -Department Manager British

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Date: 26/3/15

Complaint: Someone took my uh, new invention..... and I can find it anywhere. This would sorta be an issue if it was ever used without proper precautions so I need to get it back soon...

Name: Dr. Suginami

Well, Scruffy the janitor found a weird device that didn't look like anything he'd ever seen, so he proceeded to shove it up his [REDACTED]. Anyhow ISD have now taken the device and are using it for 'testing' purposes. What the hell was it though? -Department Manager British

It was uh, Ya know just one of my devices, Oh well I can make another. Also if you see ISD Tell them not to use it indoors. If they do part of the site will ultimately disappear. -Dr. Suginami

Ah, that explains why storage room A-2 and Scruffy were pretty much gone. -Department Manager British

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ADMIN NOTICE: Effective 29-3-15, Junior Engineer [REDACTED], a.k.a. "Kap" has been promoted to Senior Technical Response Operative in the wake of Pat's inexplicable disappearance. Rumors of Pat's potential mental instability, nervous breakdowns, and/or streaking through the halls of Site 17 covered in chocolate pudding and screaming about sloths are patently false.

Well, that's a bit unexpected... -Department Manager British

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Date: 27/3/15

Complaint: I was buzy doing what I usally do when I'm on break duty, (randomly look for information) I saw something labeled 'SCP Foundation Wiki' when I went onto it I found it had every SCP ever on it! Including information regarding what should be classified.

Name: Security Trainee Sky

Well, this should be fun for External Affairs and Kap. -Department Manager British

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Date: 28/2/15

Complaint: So my computer turns on and this is displayed:

[KILL THE ADMINISTRATOR]...

Y/N

Name: Security Trainee Daniel

It looks like we may have a Foundation Sam Pepper on the loose here. Kap is on the case. -Department Manager British

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Date: 28/3/15

Complaint: If you haven't read my Personnel file, I am restricted to 458, and I can only have 1 at a time. I don't know how I got addicted, but every day I pull out my hair because I want more. I think about doing bad things, like [DATA EXPUNGED]. Can you help me get off this addiction?

Name: Agent Packer

Nope. -Department Trainee Taz

Department Trainee Taz has been fired due to incompetence. -Department Manager British

I don't know mate. -Department Manager British

Department Manager British has been demoted to Department Representative due to being a numbscill. -Department Supervisor Voss

Department Supervisor Voss has been fired due to being unprofessional and a complete [EXPLETIVE]. Department Representative British has been promoted to Department Manager. -O5-█

Get addicted to healthy food. -Department Manager British

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Date: 69/21/420

Complaint: Listen famalams come at me on Cod me and Gaz will propa rekt u yeah. Dis been darren from site-swindon bye booshwa suckassss!

Name: Cleaning Staff Darren

Where are you? -Department Manager British

Swindon fam. -Cleaning Staff Darren

Your [EXPLETIVE] mate. Not only will I beat you on CoD but I will smack you with a fish afterwards. -Department Manager British

Com den. -Cleaning Staff Darren

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Date: 29/03/15

Complaint: I would like weekly check ups on my cannibalism because I found a half eaten Class-D in my room last night and I don't know if I ate him or not. Also I would like an Ice Cream machine on all sites.

Name: Dr. Kinny

Ok, maybe you should not use 294 to put a cow in a cup. I can hook you up with MD for your check ups. If you want some Ice Cream, there will most likely be a Frozen Yoghurt machine, and Frozen Yoghurt tastes a lot like Ice Cream. -Department Trainee Packer

IT WILL NEVER TASTE THE SAME!! -Dr. Kinny

Dr. Kinny has now been put in an L-4 and above isolation chamber and is awaiting MD attention. -Medical Director Cam

UPDATE: Dr. Kinny has now been placed in a L-5 and above Isolation Chamber, no MD personnel are allowed in. He attempted to use 294 to breach SCP-096. Termination pending. -Medical Director Cam

I didn't do it on purpose I did it by accident. -Dr. Kinny

May I ask how??? -Department Trainee Packer

I shall never answer from now. -Dr. Kinny

Why would they give him a laptop in the isolation chamber? I've gotten several messages saying 'Let me out.' Its getting pretty annoyi OH GOD WHAT THE! -Department Manager British

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ADMIN NOTICE: Due to Department Manger British's sudden disappearance Department Trainee Packer has been temporarily promoted to Department Manager. If any personnel spot British please alert the nearest security station immediately. This has no correlation with Dr. Kinny escaping isolation chamber HI-1 on the same date as British's disappearance.

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Date: 30/03/15

Complaint: Why do I keep hearing the scooby doo theme tune wherever I go? Its got to the point where I can't sleep. Help me...

Name: Security Trainee Eren

How often did you watch Sooby Doo when you were a Child? -Department Manager Packer

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Date: 01/04/15

Complaint: Pinch, punch, first day of the month. Hue hue...

Name: Dr. Pepper

I'm sorry, I'm not a Soda person. -Department Manager Packer

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Me gusta!

Date: 01/04/15

Complaint: I think this is memetic. April foolz

Name: Dr. Trell

I don't see this as a complaint, but ok. -Department Manager Packer

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Date: 01/04/15

Complaint: My coffee tastes of... Jam? Wtf? Can you fix the machine?

Name: Dr. Goodman

What have you typed in the machine? -Department Manager Packer

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Date: 01/04/15

Complaint: THERE ARE TOMATOES EVERYWHERE THEY'RE FLYING OMFG HELP!

Name: Dr. Halp

Eat Potatos, they help. -Department Manager Packer

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Date: 01/04/15

Complaint: I think April fools has gone to far, cause I'm pretty sure I'm 008-1 now.

Name: Dr. Opello

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Date: 01/04/15

Complaint: Guys, buy your headphones off me.

Name: Dr. Dre

How did he get into our Data Base? -Department Manager Packer

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Let me make this clear, if there are any more April Fools complaints posted you will be publicly humiliated in front of all your colleges. No more from this point on. -O5-█

Who took a dump in your coffee today? -Dr. Lopez

Dr. Lopez has been been demoted to Cleaning Staff. -O5-█

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Date: 02/04/15

Complaint: It's very cold down here. Help me.

Name: Dr. British

Tip: Don't breathe on your hands to warm them up. Soon they will get more colder, getting you frostbite. -Department Manager Packer

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Date: [REDACTED]

Complaint: I would like some warmth down here where I am leave it near 096'z CZ and don't stay there or you will come with me. No matter how many you are you cant take me down. Anyway can I also have some food??

Name: Dr. Kinny

I don't...I don't really know what to say... -Department Manager Packer

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Date: 03/04/15

Complaint: Could you try and find my cat? Last I saw it was heading towards SCP ███.

Name: Dr. Maple

Well, hopfully your cat isn't dead yet. I'll have personnel look at the camera's for the SCP's CZ that night. -Department Manager Packer

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Date: Todayz

Complaint: Wuy is minecraft blocked???

Name: Assistant Junior Researcher Timmy

Here at the Foundation, we like to focus on work and not play games that 9 year olds play and rage at. -Department Manager Packer

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Date: 04/04/15

Complaint: Immature Personnel.

Name: Dr. Freud

I'll have the O5-X look into that. -Department Manager Packer

Hell nah! Listen mudafuba, are you really that thick to get O5-X involved? -Department Manager British

Yes. Department Manager Packer

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Date: 04/04/15

Complaint: Security wont let me take 096 out for Dr. Gears birthday, it was going to be a big suprise! But they are going to ruin it! (PS: I may or may not set off the alpha warheads for the fireworks show, is that alright?)

More amazing sloth

Name: Dr. Suginami

So, first thing. I'm glad that security stopped you from taking 096 for a walk. Also, you're not detonating the alpha warheads, as I just finished a report containing many pictures of asses, of which I do not want to do again. Just to make sure that you don't set them off I've left an unmissable memetic for you. Enjoy your day. -Department Manager British

98774df8603b9641d211a00aeb562212

There will be nukes! I swear on my cat! We will have an absolutely fabulous birthday party no matter what!

Enjoy this memetic, don't be surprised if you start seeing people depicted as anime. -Dr. Suginami

Cool. -Department Representative Packer

So who wrote that middle comment about 'There will be nukes!'? -Department Manager British

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Note: Dr. Logik has temporarily been placed on The Complaints Department Team. He had volunteered to fill in for Department Trainee Q as he has been affected by by Dr. Suginami's memetic add-on. On a totally unrelated note, Dr. Suginami has been forbidden to help plan Dr. Gears birthday. -Department Manager British
I don't care if there is some Department Trainee Q, but don't make him replace his name or whatever with mine. -Department Representative Packer

Department Trainee Q has been fired due to attempting to steal a stapler. In his defence he says that he 'thought it was that vocaloid character!' Which I find is complete bollcoks. -Department Manager British

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Date: 06/04/15

Complaint: How the hell do I work the call line?

Name: Department Trainee Logik

You punch in numbers. -Department Representative Packer

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Date: 3/4/20156 3/4/16

Complaint: Can someone release me? Or I will mind control the administrator or O5-X!

Name: Dr Joseph (The Keter One)

Your hard to injure, I believe. You have abilities, you can't even imagine. If your hard to injure, that means you can rip through reinforced steel, you'd have superhuman strength as you could stretch your muscles and stress them and still not be damaged. We grew up together, you have great potential and can rise to become the most powerful over all of us. - your Brother

I am going to find a way to literally tear your existence from the fabrics of time and plunge you into a downward spiral through the space and unknown to the point you cannot feel your FACE. YOU WILL NOT FEEL YOUR FACE. -Dr. Suginami

Dr. Suginami, I will tear the all down all the galaxies in your dimension, compress them into the width of golf ball, and then I'll have it placed in your "weapon". Not even your foundation will be able to cover up the damage. Across the 463 alternate dimensions the humans plague, about 153 will be safely tucked away. How sad, your working with the humans. You share your fathers wits, but not his ideals. Your "nukes" are so tiny, that it won't even scratch surface of our smallest explosive ordinance. Humans, have abilities you don't know of. You just can't unlock them. Well, technically your not allowed to. The moderators have deemed it too dangerous. But, humans do an exceptional job at containing our trash. Your sites, I quite admire. Anyway, The point is Suginami. I really do wish you hadn't left the planet. I know what your capable of. And yes, you have the power to cause numbness in my face. You've actually done it about 398 times in 198 different dimensions. - SCP-3010-01-38-92-827-821-818-282828-828282288283-82-01

What the actual [EXPLETIVE] is this? I'm going to request a security detail to search the site for narcotics now. Like, what drug even makes people write this? -Department Manager British

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Note: After spending a couple of months in deep space, I've finally found a way back to earth. For the full report, go here, if you give a crap. Anyway just wanted you lot to not forget me while I went through the solar system. Also there's a Energy Bar reward to any technician who can find who is messing my stuff up above this. So yeah, I'm alive, new staff detail, new office space to work with and yeah. Drinks on me tonight (Ha no). -Department Manager British

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